Without Fear, Without Shame
by SlthrngNbltyWrtnINnk
Summary: My eyes were dry, but my heart wept with tears that not even the greatest of wars would cause. I became that frightened little girl, once again backed into the corner, except my protector was gone, never to return.


I had always wondered about you from afar. Though you were two years older than myself, a friend to my older sister, and always thought of me as just a child, I admired you. For a man, you were beautiful. Your face was well defined, your eyes shined like diamonds, and your body moved with grace. My affection for you started as secret admiration, and ended in a love greater than all other loves.

When was it when you first said my name? Was it when my sister introduced me to you, so that I would feel welcomed into such a large, strange place? It must have been. "Astoria? That's a stupid name." That's what you said to me. No "hello" or "nice to meet you". Just an insult. Daphne hit you in the arm, and I ran away in tears.

And the day you first spoke to me like I was a real person, not just a mere child . . . Oh, I remember that day so well. Tracey Davis had backed me into a corner in the dungeons, in my fourth year. You were a sixth year. Normally, I would have tried to run away, but she had said things to me, horrible things, that left me shocked and embarrassed. Then she took my wand.

I knew you were watching. You were behind her, but she didn't know it. I tried not to cry. Slytherins weren't suppose to cry, right? Well, I cried anyways. Why did you decide to save me from her? You came up behind her, so close that even I could feel your breath. Remember how you looked straight at me? You looked at me, but you whispered in her ear. Even to this day I don't know what you said to her, but whatever it was, it worked, because her back stiffened and her eyes got really big, and she ran away. Thank you.

After that, my "little girl crush" on you became a love that I could never run away from. A love I could never deny.

I tried my hardest to run into you, but most of the time, you weren't to be found. Where did you always go, I wondered? I was so unfortunate to have found you. Yes, I would have tried to stop you, but I would have been too late.

The day before Albus Dumbledore's death, you were in the secret room, The Room of Requirements was it? I had seen you go in there, so I decided to follow you, but you saw me. I was actually scared of you that day, when you told me to keep my mouth shut or else you would kill me. Your whole body shook, and your pale face was ghost white. I was scared of you, but I was even more scared for you.

You and I had both been through hell and back with the war. I didn't want to pick a side, but your choice had already been made. I made it my mission to have your back, no matter who it meant hurting, good or bad. Did you know that I had your back? I'm sure you did, but you never said anything about it. We saw people fall. Some people lived, and some died.

After the war, we both changed in so many ways. You had been a boy, though you had always begged to differ, who acted superior to those around you, and maybe even sometimes believed it, but fear ruled your life. Witty, cunning, and a smart ass. That was you, but your fear for your life, your future, and your family was the largest controller of who you were.

After the war, you became a man. Still superior to others, at times, you came to see that you were not always right. Your opinions were voiced less, but not silenced. Your walk, which was always more of a "look at me" strut, became slower, as if you were trying to fade into the shadows just a little. You began to listen more, and talk less. Though fear was still a great ruler of your life, but for different reasons.

You feared others seeing your pain. You feared that people would see how the war aged you, and how your eyes, which had shined like diamonds, had lost most of the shine that had once chilled people to their bones.

After the war, I also changed. I had been no braver than yourself. In fact, I was a mere child, frightened by all. Running was my solution to most things in life. I had been somebody who would rather sit back, and stay quite while somebody would be teased by their classmates, and stick up for them. Yes, I was quiet, fearful, somebody who loved to hide in the shadows. I was your opposite in most every way.

After the war, my mind was haunted. I had been much more sheltered than you in my childhood. While you were raised around the dark arts and the core of all evil, my parents tried to hide my sister and me, in hopes that we would never have to experience the same pain as them. I watched bodies fall. My elders, my classmates, my friends. Watching them die, though horrible as it was, gave me the strength to step up and fight for what I loved the most. You.

I became the type of person that a child was afraid to talk back to. You told me once that I had a look in my eyes that clearly reflected the horrors that we both had seen. I no longer feared, instead, I persevered. The war gave me the will to stand up and not let a single soul take away from me what I truly deserved. Life and love.

Our families had not been lost, but our souls had changed, and with it, our hearts grew. I watched you as your cried. You watched me as a held up my head and turned into a woman. We became the comfort that we both needed so desperately. I had loved your from the start, and you grew to love me with time. We both changed so completely, that we became each other's balance in this world.

With time, came age, though little more wisdom than we gained from the blood, sweat, tears, and pain. We loved, and tried our hardest to laugh. We raised a son, that became a man to be proud of, and we were. As he learned, he taught us what it meant to live freely and happily. We gave each other life, but our son gave us joy.

Your hair became thin, while mine became gray. Our skin wrinkled, and our bodies became weak, though we always loved, tried to laugh, and never forgot. Our son and his wife gave us grandchildren, which gave us more hope for the future. We watched them grow up, while we slowly faded away.

The day you left me, my heart shattered, and the war became a mere second in time, something unimportant, because the most important thing, was gone. My eyes were dry, but my heart wept with tears that not even the greatest of wars would cause. I became that frightened little girl, once again backed into the corner, except my protector was gone, never to return.

For days I faded more and more, until I saw the light, which I willed myself to touch, until I could feel the warmth of your skin, the night we first made love. Your voice spoke to me as you told me to follow you. My love, did you not know, that I lived to follow you, from the beginning of love to the end of life. Our end was not really the end though, it was the beginning.

When I woke, I was lying with you, in a world of white, naked and unashamed, young and in love. With you, I made love. With me, you made love. My memories flashed back, to the day I met you, full of admiration and aw, to the day my heart fell for you, young and forgiving of all wrong. The evil was forgotten, for we were young once again, together, forever, never to depart, never to cry, without fear, without shame.


End file.
